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Florida: Let the Cubans have it

Florida: Awful place. Mickey Mouse, meth, and mullets. Let the Cubans have it.

— Kathy Bates as "Kay McKinnon" on "Mike & Molly: Three Girls and an Urn"

Catholicism

Catholicism? Cult got legs!

— Sort of a mashup of comments by Stephen Colbert and Aisha Tyler

an atheist without balls

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

— Stephen Colbert

I'm [] an atheist

I'm [] an atheist because both my parents are ... educated.

— Daniel Sloss

When will white men...

Channeling Donald Trump: "When will white men, born to great wealth, finally catch a break in America?"

— Bill Maher

Stay away from negative people

Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

— Albert Einstein

I contend that we are both atheists.

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

— Stephen Roberts

Flat Earthers have nothing to fear

The Flat Earthers have nothing to fear but Sphere itself...

— unknown

My house isn't on fire

On Republican arguments against the Affordable Care Act: "Why do I pay for the fire department? My house isn't on fire! And it never will be!"

— Lewis Black

The Daily Show (20 Sept 2017)

There are three kinds of men

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

— Will Rogers