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The meaning of life

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

Florida: Let the Cubans have it

Florida: Awful place. Mickey Mouse, meth, and mullets. Let the Cubans have it.

— Kathy Bates as "Kay McKinnon" on "Mike & Molly: Three Girls and an Urn"

Catholicism

Catholicism? Cult got legs!

— Sort of a mashup of comments by Stephen Colbert and Aisha Tyler

an atheist without balls

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

— Stephen Colbert

I'm [] an atheist

I'm [] an atheist because both my parents are ... educated.

— Daniel Sloss

When will white men...

Channeling Donald Trump: "When will white men, born to great wealth, finally catch a break in America?"

— Bill Maher

Stay away from negative people

Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

— Albert Einstein

I contend that we are both atheists.

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

— Stephen Roberts

Flat Earthers have nothing to fear

The Flat Earthers have nothing to fear but Sphere itself...

— unknown

My house isn't on fire

On Republican arguments against the Affordable Care Act: "Why do I pay for the fire department? My house isn't on fire! And it never will be!"

— Lewis Black

The Daily Show (20 Sept 2017)