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Question with boldness even the existence of a God

Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.

— Thomas Jefferson

Letter to Peter Carr, 10 August 1787

Cock holster

(On Trump) You talk like a sign language gorilla who got hit in the head. In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's cock-holster.

— Stephen Colbert

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (1 May, 2017)

A ton of shit

I think women are foolish to pretend they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been. Whatever you give a women, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!

— William Golding

...masturbate our way into hell

(On Hillary vs Donald) You can go out and vote in a very big way for someone like Hillary Clinton who then you can challenge and support [...] Or we can just masturbate our way into hell.

— Sean Penn

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (27 Sept, 2016)

You are all star dust

You are all star dust. [...] So forget Jesus; the stars died so that you could be here today.

— Lawrence Krauss

Back when the Bible was written

Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated, then edited, then rewritten, then given to kings for them to take their favorite parts, then rewritten, then re-rewritten, then translated again, then given to the pope for him to approve, then rewritten, then edited again, the re-re-re-re-rewritten again...all based on stories that were told orally 30 to 90 years AFTER they happened.. to people who didnt know how to write... so...

— David Cross

Find someone to love...

(On marriage) Find someone to love, then drag em to the end with ya.

— Tom Papa

Morality is doing right, no matter what you are told...

Morality is doing right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

— H. L. Mencken

One beer in, off his meds

Joe Biden vs Donald Trump: "The difference, like, between one beer in, and off his meds."

— Julie Klausner

The Nightly Show

...'let's go take a shit in the mail box.'

[Donald] Trump is the part of your brain that's like at 3am going 'let's go take a shit in the mail box.'

— Jon Stewart

The Daily Show (17 June 2015)