Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

Write small, and carry a big dict.

On why people watch Fox News: "Because it's so much easier than literally sticking your head up your own ass to shut out reality."

Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see them tumble down the stairs.

On Dr. Daniel Heimbach (Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary) going on about same-sex marriage: "That's not a bald head; that's a solar panel for a dumb ass machine."

When you use contraception, you are not only sinning, you are cock-blocking the Almighty.

Face it, we are moths, and bad television is the porch light we've been slamming our heads against for decades now.

We all have imaginary friends. I've just grown out of mine.

If there is a god, why did he make me atheist?